hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
