I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
