hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
