Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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