I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
