im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
