like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
