So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
