ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
