if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I supernannyed him into submission
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
