I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pooping to opera.
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