Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
