this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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