If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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