FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
