Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
