So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
