She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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