you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
