I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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