My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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