Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
