Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have tasted many bathrooms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
