Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
