the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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