And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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