i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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