he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
