): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
