Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
