Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
