It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
