Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
