rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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