if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
