i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
