mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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