At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
