My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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