porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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