90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
