i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
