He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
