just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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