A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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