remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
