ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
