If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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