margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
