So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
