Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
