They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
