you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize