I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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