Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
