i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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