The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
