I CAN MOONWALK!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
